Forget An Inconvenient Truth try Split Second for some global warming facts

I’m worried about global warming, not worried to the point that I stay up at night eating chocolates with creamy filling that I’ve stuck to the door of the fridge and drinking copious amounts of coffee.

And maybe that’s the problem?

I read Crichton’s State of Fear, watched a couple of documentaries and saw some of An Inconvenient Truth so I feel that I’m probably as caught up as Al Gore is. I mean yes I didn’t study environmental science like he did and… what?

He didn’t?

But didn’t he get that important prize and stuff?

Right.

No science degree?

OK.

Doesn’t matter to the point I’m about to make here.

Let me explain something about the dangers of global warming and the rising waters and all that stuff, three words:

Alien Mutant Thingy

That’s right.

Oh yeah, you can point me in the direction of all the climate disasters and ruined environments you want to, but before An Inconvenient Truth it was Rutger Hauer who was spreading the truth about the real dangers of global warming. Did he get a Nobel prize? Not to my knowledge. Academy Award? Not a one.

In the 1992 film Split Second the real dangers of global warming were presented in a very frank and cool way. Picture it, it’s 2008 and water has risen all around the world, London is knee deep in water, there are police hovercraft and Knight’s in White Satin is huge again!!

I mean OK police using hovercraft to get around is cool, really cool, almost Blade Runner cool, not that cool but I mean I’d like to use a hovercraft to get to work. Trench coats and sunnies abound (again something to do with climate change - I’m shaking in my boots over it right now) and Rutger Hauer doesn’t sleep, drinks tons of coffee and eats chocolate, shitloads of chocolate! His girlfriend is Samantha from Sex in the City or if you prefer the jaded coach from Ice Princess (rock on - you know you love it).

The worst part thanks to global warming is the mutant / alien / Venom look alike thingy. There’s your bloody inconvenience sunshine! Forget some island in the Pacific going under water! What are you going to do when 150 kilos of soul sucking, heart eating, clawing truth lands on your doorway and wants to carve satanic symbols in your chest!?!? The film should be retitled ‘A god awful son of a bitch truth’ narrated by Rutger and starring 150 kilo scary mutant dude. Academy Awards would flow from the ceiling, Nobel Prizes would be used as door stops and the U.N. would make the film required viewing for everyone!

Or Split Second is a cool B grade scifi horror with giant guns that just happens to have flooding and global warming in it.

Whatever.

Popularity: 29% [?]

Saving water with Guns’N'Roses

Here in Queensland Australia we are currently in Level 6 water restrictions thanks to the drought. What does level 6 mean? I’m pretty certain you’re not allowed to say the word ‘water’ anymore except under the bed after midnight.

One thing that has come down from the ‘powers that be’ (the same people I may add as a side note that are charged with managing our resources effectively in the first place) is that they had the very good idea that spending two million dollars on sending little hour glasses out in the mail to every household would encourage people to stick to the suggested ‘four minute shower’. Yes that’s right people in a country as advanced as Australia we are dealing with an ecological disaster by not cleaning ourselves for longer than four minutes and egg timers.

Actually the timers themselves have caused all sorts of headaches because whilst they are supposed to be four minute timers they tend to vary from 1 minute to 10 minutes. I feel bad for those people who got the 1 minute timers!!

Here at QYDJ though I am on the case and have a simpler solution for everyone wishing to keep under the magic four minute mark in the shower.

The following songs from Guns’N'Roses iconic album Appetite for Destruction are all under 4 minutes long. So if you were to jump in the shower with one of these tunes on in the background as long as you got out just after it finishes then you will be saving so much water that Al Gore will I expect personally want to thank you!

• It’s So Easy (3.21)
• Mr. Brownstone (3.46)
• My Michelle (3.39)
• Think About You (3.50)
• You’re Crazy (3.15)
• Anything Goes (3.25)

The added bonus is that instead of just getting into the shower and standing there, your cleaning levels will sky rocket as you rock out.

Now if only they would bring out the Guitar Hero waterproof edition.

Popularity: 9% [?]