Hygiene and the heroes…The Hulk
August 14th, 2007
There have been some monumental conversational topics regarding super heroes that has entertained comic book fans over the dinner table for as long as there have been comic books. Who would beat who and what are the coolest powers being two popular examples, and now to add to that list:
Which super hero smells the worst?
No really. Give it some thought. You know you can’t resist now. You have a character in mind.
Some of the obvious choices I’ve eliminated straight away. Wolverine for instance. You take a look at him and think homeless person, probably drunk and rarely showered. Of course when he goes into berserker mode, he has chunks of flesh and bone plastered all over him but I’m really talking about day to day walking around the office smells.
There was some discussion regarding Spider-Man and his costume. He’s covered from head to toe in whatever that stuff is made of, he’s running around and swinging from building to building. Surely he is building up a proportional perspiration. Sure I figure he would begin to stink after a long day of web slinging but he’s out of the running mainly because he is a geek with a hot wife. She’s not going to put up with him stinking when he comes home so I’m betting he places a high value on his personal hygiene.
Tony Stark was another contender being stuck inside the Iron Man armour but a work colleague suggested that he would probably hang one of those pine tree deodorises in there thus keeping him minty fresh.
No I’m pointing the stinky stick directly at the big man himself. The Incredible Hulk. I mean he’s green already. He’s huge so typical showers are out of the question. He just looks like he would smell unpleasant. More unpleasant than everyone else in the Marvel universe.
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You see, you’re stuck in the marvel world.
Gnort, comedy green lantern, would smell like a dog. Can’t see swamp thing smelling too good either. I shall think on this while I’m at work today.
(Aquaman smells of fish)
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We discussed DC and I felt that the Flash would be the highest candidate thanks to that red suit and his high metabolism.
Gnort - would be well groomed by the JLE - oh sure he would have his moments (don’t we all) but in general I thin they would regularly hydro-bath him.
Swamp Thing would have a delightful mossy smell to him.
Aquaman got nothing but time on his hands and I bet he spends a lot of it in the shower at the Hall of Justice (using all their hot water).
I am glad though that a portion of your working day will be dedicated to this.
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I always pictured Wolverine as reeking of cologne and pomade.
I think The Punisher must smell worst. He doesn’t exactly seem liike the kind of guy who stops to bathe or do laundry very often. Can’t you just picture him in his black skull t-shirt at the laundromat reading the latest issue of Good Housekeeping while he’s washing the trench coat and gun belt? Yep bet he reeks.
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Firstly let me say that you have given me the inspiration for my Punisher sketch that I’m working on.
Second of all Frank Castle is a classy man’s man. He has Old Spice written ALL over him. Frank recognises that to be real man in society one must smell good. Many would say he works outside of society, but this is also untrue - he would like to but he is unable to because that is where the ‘war’ is.
Not bathing or smelling good would be detrimental to ‘the war’ and nothing comes before the war not even letting yourself go.
Goddamn that’s going to be an awesome poster though…
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Okay, I admit I haven’t read much Punisher that’s just the impression I get. There are a few things I have been thinking about picking up but haven’t yet.
I can’t wait to see your poster!
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LOL I don’t think they actually address his cleanliness in the comic books - it seems to be an overlooked concern in comic books in general. Perhaps market research has said wasting a splash page with Daredevil using a pore strip is not good business?
God they’ll probably make it into a damn multi-book crossover that will CHANGE the marvel universe forever… yawn.
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The Punisher? Hah!
Surely the joint winners here have to be Sewer Urchin (occasional arm’s-length ally of The Tick) and The Spleen (Mystery Men) ?
Spirited crimefighters, but something of a liability if it means you have to cover your nose when the team encounters evildoers…
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Lee,
You’re probably right about ‘hulk’.
I take it you know they are making ‘The Incredible Hulk’, starring Edward Norton?
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Cap - mmmm you’ve thought outside the box and deviated from the major comic book houses.
The Spleen I’m going to disqualify because whilst his smell can be devastating it is not his standard state.
As for Sewer Urchin I was going to place him also out of the running as he only appears in the animated series of the Tick and not in the comic book run but upon reading my post I see I haven’t specified strictly comic books so he is a fine suggestion.
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Nav - yeah and I think he’ll be quite the improvement over Eric. I hear he is doing rewrites on the script - I wonder if he’ll address the Hulk odor debate and finalize it on screen with an off the cuff remark regarding the smell of Hulk?
“Mmmmm the hulk fellow was quite frankly the most pungent of individuals” or something to that effect.
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