Forget An Inconvenient Truth try Split Second for some global warming facts
March 18th, 2008
I’m worried about global warming, not worried to the point that I stay up at night eating chocolates with creamy filling that I’ve stuck to the door of the fridge and drinking copious amounts of coffee.
And maybe that’s the problem?
I read Crichton’s State of Fear, watched a couple of documentaries and saw some of An Inconvenient Truth so I feel that I’m probably as caught up as Al Gore is. I mean yes I didn’t study environmental science like he did and… what?
He didn’t?
But didn’t he get that important prize and stuff?
Right.
No science degree?
OK.
Doesn’t matter to the point I’m about to make here.
Let me explain something about the dangers of global warming and the rising waters and all that stuff, three words:
Alien Mutant Thingy
That’s right.
Oh yeah, you can point me in the direction of all the climate disasters and ruined environments you want to, but before An Inconvenient Truth it was Rutger Hauer who was spreading the truth about the real dangers of global warming. Did he get a Nobel prize? Not to my knowledge. Academy Award? Not a one.
In the 1992 film Split Second the real dangers of global warming were presented in a very frank and cool way. Picture it, it’s 2008 and water has risen all around the world, London is knee deep in water, there are police hovercraft and Knight’s in White Satin is huge again!!
I mean OK police using hovercraft to get around is cool, really cool, almost Blade Runner cool, not that cool but I mean I’d like to use a hovercraft to get to work. Trench coats and sunnies abound (again something to do with climate change - I’m shaking in my boots over it right now) and Rutger Hauer doesn’t sleep, drinks tons of coffee and eats chocolate, shitloads of chocolate! His girlfriend is Samantha from Sex in the City or if you prefer the jaded coach from Ice Princess (rock on - you know you love it).
The worst part thanks to global warming is the mutant / alien / Venom look alike thingy. There’s your bloody inconvenience sunshine! Forget some island in the Pacific going under water! What are you going to do when 150 kilos of soul sucking, heart eating, clawing truth lands on your doorway and wants to carve satanic symbols in your chest!?!? The film should be retitled ‘A god awful son of a bitch truth’ narrated by Rutger and starring 150 kilo scary mutant dude. Academy Awards would flow from the ceiling, Nobel Prizes would be used as door stops and the U.N. would make the film required viewing for everyone!
Or Split Second is a cool B grade scifi horror with giant guns that just happens to have flooding and global warming in it.
Whatever.
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Categories: Environment, Movies, Science Fiction | Tags: al gore, Aliens, blade runner, climate change, coffee, crichton, Environment, global warming, hovercraft, ice princess, rutger hauer, sex in the city, state of fear, Venom
I’m not taking any chances. I’ll pay closer attention to my carbon footprint AND buy some sunnies and a trenchcoat. Just in case.
Do you know where I can buy a hovercraft?
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Oh and eat chocolate and drink lots of coffee. You know you can buy hover crafts here in Australia, I just don’t have anywhere to put one. Besides I’m married and you only buy a hover craft for the girls.
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you’re a funny bugga Lee!
Bettina’s last blog post..Camping Anyone?
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I just care about the environment and fear alien mutant thingies that look like Venom.
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See, I am worried about the inland droughts which will turn the continental interiors into deserts, and the only way to survive is to get a high powered car or a mini helicopter and fight leather clad freaks as some kind of warrior on those black asphalt roads.
MC’s last blog post..Classic Sunday Night Video: Carlin’s Seven Words
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If more people like you and I MC thought as we do then Al Gore wouldn’t have needed to make his ‘documentary’ and gloss over the really scary things such as massive inland deserts and scary mutant alien things.
Bless us.
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I think I would need a boat because of the rising water..IRC over 60% of the Netherlands is below sealevel at the moment and the dikes can hold it for now..but what if we fuck up…and mutant aliens come around and and and…
Gotta buy a boat..a big freaking speedboat.
I’m not married yet so I’ll start looking for one right away.
Arjan’s last blog post..Noorderspel (Northerngame) 2008
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Arjan:
global warming = mutant alien things
boat = the ladies.
Remember that Bruce Campbell ad? He was wearing sailing gear because he knows about global warming, mutant alien thingies and he loves the ladies.
Try and find a lovely young girl who owns a boat!!!
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If you had your own mutant alien thingy you wouldn’t need a boat. Mutant alien thingies take care of all that stuff - I read it in the brochure.
John’s last blog post..The Cry of Smoke Rings on a Rainy Afternoon
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I couldn’t read my brochure it was all in alien mutant thingy speak.
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Awesome movie! Surprisingly fun for a silly B movie. Then again nothing with Rutger Hauer can be all bad…not even Omega Doom and that had like a $17 budget.
Becca’s last blog post..Tiki Luau
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Becca - The movie is surprisingly solid in regards to its story - its a tight little story without too much fluff. Could easily been an A grade film given the budget.
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