Please don’t transplant my eyes
I was just saying to Tracey this evening when I saw the trailer for Jessica Alba’s new film ‘The Eye‘ on television.
Me: If I go blind don’t let them transplant new eyes in.
Tracey: What are you talking about?
Me: Nothing good happens when they transplant eyes into your skull.
Tracey: I don’t think they do that anyway.
Me: I don’t care, if they invent the technology I don’t want it.
Tracey: You would rather be blind than embrace new eyeballs?
Me: Ummm yeah. Have you ever seen a film that covers someone getting an eye transplant and then just enjoying their lives and seeing the sun and stuff?
Tracey: Honestly I have no idea what you are talking about.
Me: I don’t want to see ghosts or aliens or fish man with transplanted eyes!
Tracey: Is fish man an actual character?
Me: Fine. Gill Man.
Tracey: Who the hell is Gill Man?
Me: Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Tracey: Why did he get his eye balls transplanted?
Me: What?
Tracey: When did the creature from the black lagoon go blind and get new eyeballs.
Me: Oh. No he didn’t I just wouldn’t want to see him.
Tracey: With the new eyeballs?
Me: Right.
Whole portions of that conversation didn’t take place. Also Geordie’s eyes grow back in Star Trek Insurrection and really you couldn’t say good things happened there.
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But what if you got, like, super-powered eyes or something?
Heat vision or lazer-death-thingy or… best of all…
X-Ray eyes?
Surely it’d be worth the risk?
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I am thinking about the luck of blind people in movies as well… not so good.
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Scientists in real life are frequently a lot more thorough than scientists in the movies -
I imagine by the time they get round to developing full eye transplants, they’ll be able to test for Gill Man hallucinations and stuff.
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I was just thinking about that “Night Gallery” pilot vignette with Joan Crawford and Tom Bosley, where he sells his eyes to her for a transplant. Awesome story.
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Transplants aren’t all bad. True, I can’t think of an eye transplant that went well, but Ash got a new hand in Evil Dead 2 and he kicked ass with it. Oh wait, that was a chainsaw wasn’t it :-p
I got a friend who’s mum had an eye surgery where they made a mistake and had to do surgery again. That is real life.
I saw the trailer too..just give me bionic eyes.
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Rol - mmmmm laser death ray thingies. No! There would be some laser death ray immune boogie monster just waiting on you to open your peepers.
MC - Al Pacino had an alright time. But on the whole blind people don’t fare too well. Oh yeah Daredevil! He was Ben Affleck before he became Daredevil so really it couldn’t get much worse for him.
John - Bah scientists! Those bastards are always trying to put gill man eyes into your skull!!!
GW - Ummm total blank look!!! I haven’t seen that and it sounds like something I should check out!!!
Ian - have you ever tried to scratch your nose with a chainsaw hand?
No.
Otherwise you wouldn’t have a face.
Thank you Arjan even without the science fiction aspect bad things can happen. I’m now convinced that if I go blind I will work on my other senses Daredevil style. Oh yeah.
I so know what you’re saying. There was this Hindi film out last year where a blind woman starts seeing dead people after eye surgery. It was a sensationally stupid premise, but managed to create enough ruckus with all the eye surgeons standing up and going “EXCUSE ME, WTF?” in public.
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Funny all this conversation should be taking place (including your blank look) right around the death of Jeff Healey.
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Veda - I can’t believe eye surgeons were that concerned!!! That’s awesome, I wish our eye surgeons would picket ‘The Eye’.
GW - That’s unfortunate (and an unintentional pun that I only just ‘got’) I also hadn’t heard of Jeff Healey either but I guess people face eye related adversity everyday around the world so there’s never a good time.
The problem with your blog, is that I can’t read it at work, it is too funy and I will be be caught laughing . I hope you don’t get en eye transplant any time soon. Keep up the good work.
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